Random Thoughts

Secret Obsession. Peter Sullivan. 2019. ☆☆★★★★

Oh, Daily Dot:

Secret Obsession is a soulless lump of generic mush that aspires to the cheese level of a Lifetime original joint but doesn’t come anywhere close.

So this is a slasher flick? As has happened before with these Netflix movies, I’m not at all confident that this isn’t a parody of whatever it’s supposed to be: The movie (on a shot by shot basis) is so risibly inept that it’s difficult to tell. But if it’s a parody, the jokes don’t really land, and if it’s not, it’s… just bad.

I mean, even the hairdressing is awful.

OK, after watching a bit more, this is neither a slasher nor a parody. Instead it’s just a, well, made-for-TV movie, by a directory who’s churning them out by the buttload.

It’s one of those movies apparently made for people who’ve never seen a movie before. The plot is the standard “woman wakes up from amnesia and there’s a guy who says he’s her husband BUT IS HE REALLY THE KILLER (he’s totally the killer)” thing. The only way anybody could possibly feel intrigued by the plot is if they’ve never seen a movie before, which I guess a lot of people haven’t.

I’ve seen worse movies, but this leaves me wondering: Why is Netflix going down this route? Just filling up their coffers with low-budget movies nobody would want to see if they had a choice. Is this Netflix’ end game? Being able to say “yes, we have two hundred thrillers, so keep being subscribed!” when the movie companies withdraw all their movies from Netflix?

If so, I think that’s a bad plan. Two hundred thrillers that nobody wants to watch is two hundred thrillers nobody wants to watch. On the other hand, it’s difficult to see what else Netflix could do.

This post is part of the NFLX2019 blog series.

Point Blank. Joe Lynch. 2019. ☆☆☆★★★

OK, after a couple of holidays I’m back on the Netflix Originals beat. My mission: To watch all the movies Netflix has released this year, according to the list compiled by these people.

Right off the bat, this movie rubbed me the wrong way. The actors are pretty charming, but the lines are so slick and made-for-TV that it’s just maddening: The way they “as you know Bob” each other without actually saying “as you know Bob” is chalk-scratchingly annoying.

But as the movie gets going, it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. Sure, the plot is cornier than a maize tortilla wrapped around an ear, and it doesn’t move fast enough for this kind of thing, but it’s (totally opposite of what I assumed after the opening lines) an unassuming, goofy action movie.

I mean, how can anybody not enjoy a car chase scene with a PT Cruiser while there’s Sigue Sigue Sputnik on the soundtrack?

There’s some horribly boring scenes in between the fun, though.

This post is part of the NFLX2019 blog series.