OTB#17: Seven Samurai

Seven Samurai. Akira Kurosawa. 1954. ⚂

[two minutes pass]

I thought I had seen this movie before, but now I think not? And it lasts ALL THE HOURS. I may have to take a pause in the middle of this. I mean, I got up at 6 this morning and it’s 20 now…

[half an hour passes]

Oh, right, this is the original version of The Magnificent Seven.

I’m mostly wondering what these hairdos are all about:

Was that the fashion at the time? Or is it just a really bad hairdresser employed by Kurosawa?

It seems too… consistent… to be anything else than a thing Kurosawa wanted to have happen.

Anyway!

This movie is kinda boring? Rashomon, at least, had a singular focus (even if it somehow managed to seem too long at 1:30), but this seems so scattered.

As in Rashomon, the actors are really bad I mean totally Japanese and stylised and mysterious no I mean bad. The fetishation of Japanese otherness is really grating sometimes, and some directors (like Kurosawa) really lean into that for commercial reasons. I think! I know nothing about him! That’s just my impression!

[an hour and a half passes]

*sigh*

Has anything of interest happened? Not really. I guess you could enjoy the slow world-building… but… the “funny” bits are dreary and the serious bits are risible.

I don’t get it.

Even the cinematography is pedestrian — there’s nothing exciting about the sets or the scenery or well anything. The performances are pedestrian at best. Do I need to google why people like this?

Wow! A 100%! That’s scary. It’s deranged. What did the reviewers like about this?

Er… ok… uhm…

WHAT TIMES!!!

NO! BOTH THINGS ARE TRIVIALLY WRONG, RACHEL! There’s so many scenes here where you wonder whether Kurosawa or the cinematographer were even present when they were shot, because they’re all kinds of boring and awkward, and few of the actors are compelling.

So are people just rating this so high because they’ve somehow been sold on a narrative that this is a classic? It’s so weird.

[another hour passes]

I’ve been so bored by this movie that I’ve lost track of what the plot it? There’s been a lot of risibly bad panto acting, and now… finally… the bad guys are attacking? I think that’s it.

[the end]

Man, that final battle scene looks cold and miserable. I feel sorry for the actors.

This blog post is part of the Officially The Best series.

OTB#18: Rashomon

Rashomon. Akira Kurosawa. 1950. ⚃

[fifteen minutes pass]

I’ve seen this before, of course, but only once? I think? But the Rashomon concept is so well-known that it feels like I’m just waiting for the plot elements to happen… which isn’t the best way to watch a movie.

So far, the cinematography has been a lot of fun, but the actors are pretty uninspiring.

[twenty more minutes pass]

I have to say that I’m kinda disappointed. It’s kinda long-winded… and when you know that you’re going (I mean, I know that I’m going) to watch the same scenes two more times (with variations), I’m mostly just sitting here wondering what the variations are going to be.

That’s obviously not a fault with the movie itself, but just me knowing what the gag is.

Because I seem to remember watching this the first time with huge enthusiasm.

And also… the soundtrack is really annoying.

[half an hour more passes]

OK, now it’s hilarious and I’ve changed my mind: This is great stuff.

But… it took a while to get there?

[the end]

OK, I admit that I’m probably wrong about this one, but I think it’s not entirely successful melodrama. Sure, it’s not trying for realism or anything, but even within its parameters, the moral setup is a bit… much?

But I’m probably wrong! It’s probably as good as I remember it being, and not the slight disappointment it is, watching it now.

This blog post is part of the Officially The Best series.

May Music

Music I’ve bought in May.

The albums I bought this month seems to be all over the place… new stuff, old stuff… and unusually enough, I haven’t actually listened to any of it, because I’ve been listening to old stuff.

But I can recommend this one:

OTB#19: Barry Lyndon

Barry Lyndon. Stanley Kubrick. 1975. ⚁

Oh, I saw this as a (young) teenager. I remember renting it on VHS. What I remember from it is… er… that there were a lot of green hills?

Correct!

I also remember that I really liked the movie. And that it’s somehow a Kubrick movie that all Kubrick fans hate?

[45 minutes pass]

I do like this… but Kubrick leans very hard into making everything so ironic all the time that everything becomes kinda juvenile. And poor Ryan O’Neal (34), trying to play a teenager… But I assume that he grows older, since the movie is three hours long.

[another 45 minutes pass]

MY GOD! (I. e., Emacs.) I was a very, very patient teenager, man. This is an intermittently pretty movie, but it’s so dull. It’s not that stuff doesn’t happen — there’s a lot of plot here — but it’s all affectless and not very interesting. I mean, why should we be interested in the Barry guy in the first place? Or, rather, that’s part of the overall irony which suffuses all the scenes: “Here’s this stupid asshole who somehow fails upwards through all these mishaps. Isn’t that ironic? Don’t you think?”

[35 more minutes pass]

I usually think the same about everything since I was like six, so I’m really surprised at how crushingly tedious I find this movie. I’m totally open to that I’m wrong, and that I was right at thirteen — that sounds more likely, really. But right now, I find this to be the most boring movie, like, ever.

[the end]

I didn’t change my mind.

This blog post is part of the Officially The Best series.