NFLX2019 November 1st: Drive

Drive. Tarun Mansukhani. 2019. ☆☆☆☆★★

Third movie of the night: This is an Indian action movie or something? “DROVE”?

As in “it drove me crazy”?

The titles at the start seemed to say something about Israel? Is this an Indian/Israeli thing?

And now there’s dancing! Yay!

What spectacle. After the titles, I’m definitely intrigued.

Oh I see:

Drive begins like a wannabe Dhoom (2004) and ends like a dumber version of Dhoom 3 (2013).

No I don’t!

This is the goofiest shit I’ve ever seen.

That’s harsh. 2.3/10 on imdb? I wonder what happened! Nothing scores that low. Was is brigaded? Why!? This is intriguing!

7/7 found that useful!?

There’s 170 reviews of this movie on imbd, and they’re all kinda like that. Saying this is the worst movie ever, but not really saying why, and they’re all written by people from India (is my guess from the er I guess you could call it English). I mean:

Hm… Is this the explanation?

People from India are embarrassed that people from outside of India gets to watch a super-silly comedy slash action movie from India? Could that be it? Hm… I think there must be something more behind this. The reviews and votes look part of some campaign or other, anyway.

This is a better review:

Whether Drive is so bad it’s good, so unwatchable that it’s watchable, a crack-a-box-of-wine-and-invite-your-friends-over-for-a-hate-watch is debatable. I’m too bamboozled from the overwhelmingly stupefying experience of it to make a clear assessment right now.

OK, the CGI car chases are stunningly bad… but nothing makes any sense whatsoever, which I admire. You have to work hard at making a movie this stupid.

I’m amused, entertained and bemildred. I mean bewildred.

I have never seen any of the Fast & Furious movies, and I kinda doubt that they’re this funny and exciting, but this almost makes me want to check them out.

Because this is hilarious.

The actors are fun to watch (and the female actors are always impeccably lit), and the editing is on point for maximum fun.

The dancing bits aren’t really integrated into the movie at all, but appear as, like, music videos appearing randomly. But the dancing is impeccable and the spectacles are er spectacular.

It’s really too bad the CGI is really, really horrible.

This post is part of the NFLX2019 blog series.

NFLX2019 November 1st: The King


The King. David Michôd. 2019. ☆☆☆★★★

OK, second movie of the night, and it’s a longer one.

I guess you could term this a… post-Game of Thrones historical drama? That is, it’s “gritty”. But it does aim for more realism than Game of Thrones, I guess: The hairstyles are bad and the actors have artfully greasy hair. And… I think that’s it? (I mean, Westeros is a fantasy land where they had invented shampoo.)

It’s pretty ridiculous and feels oddly small. I wonder what the budget was: Netflix only announces the budget when it’s megabucks, which makes me suspect that this had a smaller budget than web sites saying this is a “big budget” movie thinks. And it’s something about the crowd scenes: They only have enough extras for one line of people when they’re trying to do masses of soldiers. I guess they spent any money they had on that mud-bath at the end.

Yeah, that’s pretty accurate:

Moments where interest is snatched from the jaws of boredom come just often enough to keep you from switching to one of Netflix’s many other offerings, but it’s not enough to recommend starting The King in the first place.

This movie is just kinda annoying. I mean, to me: It’s a generally well-liked movie, so the stuff I find annoying is probably not what a lot of other people react negatively to. It’s stuff like how they just trust the images enough not to put a bed of dramatic “music” under most of the scenes. How the characters can deliver the most pompous lines without anybody finding them just a bit ridiculous. The way the colour grading makes everything beige. The way people are whispering-speaking.

It all just gets on my tits, but this isn’t a bad movie, really. I mean, not really. I guess it’s an original take on a war movie: Instead of being all “war is hell”, this is more “war is boring as fuck, dude”.

So I’m not sure whether this is a movie people who enjoy watching these kinds of movies will enjoy watching? Or perhaps the “progressive” tics of Henry V makes it a “yeah! dude!” kind of thing? The young guy with his magical, grizzled advisor proving all the fuddy-duddies wrong?

Anyway, I hate it.

This post is part of the NFLX2019 blog series.

NFLX2019 November 1st: American Son

American Son. Kenny Leon. 2019. ☆☆★★★★

I was already behind on mah Netflix stories, but then I got a cold and now I’m even further behind. But now I’m fine! I slept from 8 to 20 today! Can I watch all the Netflixes tonight? There’s only seven! It’s now 23, so I should be done by… noon?

Let’s find out!

Oh-oh. The movie starts off with the most portentous quote possible.

Oh:

This film is an adaptation of a Broadway play, of the same name, with the same cast (so keep that in mind while watching).

Now I’m more positive. Because I was wondering whether this was a no-budget kind of thing or something (what with the extremely photogenic police station slash mansion), but that makes more sense. I (generally) like filmed plays: The usually have better dialogue and more interesting drama. It also explains why the actors are really… projecting. Enunciating clearly.

Right:

The problem is that these people are not people – they are characters. They do not speak English, they speak dialogue, pages and pages of it, yards and yards of it. It fills their mouths like cardboard. Each scene is like a long drama class. You expect the director to interrupt at any moment and say: “Mm, yeah, OK, let’s try that again, but maybe try … a little less?”

I don’t think it’s that bad… I liked the “I don’t think so” after she points out that it’s Dickens, not Dickinson. I mean, it’s not a good movie, but it’s the kind of movie I like. I like the colour scheme. The cinematography’s surprisingly good: Within the confines of a stage-play-for-the-TV it makes the most of it, focusing on the performers completely and putting them in attractive framing.

Even so, there’s so many bad lines, and so much shouting.

So much shouting.

When the older cop comes in and says “if there’s any more shouting, I’m leaving” (or something) and I was “FINALLY!”

I’m all for Netflix making a bunch more of these movies (i.e., filmed theatre). Netflix could be the modern PBS.

This post is part of the NFLX2019 blog series.

BC&B: Gratin de Morue w/ Tartines de Pistou et Poisson Fumé la Boutarde

Is this the first fish course I made from this book? It may be, and it’s because I took a look at the first recipe in this chapter and thought “well, OK, that sounds good, but… not now.”

But now is now. Or a couple of days from now, because the main ingredient here is salt semi-dried cod (like the one you use for bacalao).

Look! Salty!

So it has to be watered out for two to three days to become edible. While that’s in the fridge (remind me to change the water a couple of times), I can perhaps make a starter…

The starter today is as simple as it’s odd: It’s pesto (sorry, I mean pistou) and smoked trout on toast.

I love pesto (I mean pistou) and I like trout, so why not? I’ve never had them together in this form, though — sometimes you get smoked salmon with a dollop of pesto (I mean pistou no I mean pesto) on top, but here you’re supposed to use the pesto (I mean pistou) as a spread and then have some smoked trout on top. The oddness for me is both the amount of pesto (I mean etc) and the used of smoked trout: Won’t the pesto (I etc) overpower the more vague flavour of trout?

So those are the ingredients: Mostly for the pistou (I mean pesto now I’m confused).

So I plonk all the basil (“Basil?”) leaves from an entire plant into the FUD professor, and add pine nuts, parmesan and olive oil. Half a cup of olive oil. Isn’t that a bit much?

But man, how delicious this smells! It’s like the best smell in the world. I should make pesto (etc) from scratch more often.

Hm, yes, it’s a bit on the runny side… and… I used a too-flavourful olive oil. It’s my favourite olive oil; it’s super-tasty, but here it actually masks the beautiful basil flavour, so I should have used something less premium.

Then it’s time to eat. Gorgeous trout, good bread, a rosé and the book.

So smear the pesto (e) over the toast…

… and add the smoked trout.

Well, it looks good.

*eating happens*

OK, my worries were warranted, wright. The trout is delicious, and the pistou () is good, but together they don’t add much to each other. I have a hard time tasting the trout: It’s mostly there as a texture.

But I found myself eating piece by piece until I’d eaten almost half the trout, so it had great muncheability. Which is great, because my mains are two days away. So I think the idea is basically sound, but perhaps with smoked salmon instead?

So while waiting for the cod to get less salty, I could read a book. The next on in the bookcase is Irontown Blues by John Varley, an author I used to follow religiously, but then sort of forgot about.

Back in the 80s, it seemed like he was part of a wave of smart, fun sci-fi/fantasy, along with people like John Crowley (Little, Big), Geoff Ryman (Was) and Samuel Delany (lotsabooks). Then he stopped writing, and when he came back after ten years, he was writing 50s-like space adventures.

Writing them well, but a 180° turnaround. And then I forgot about him: I haven’t read anything he’s read the past couple of decades.

But he’s been publishing all this time, and this is his latest novel. Let’s read the first three pages together.

Hey! This is pretty fun. It’s very sci-fi, and it’s extremely retro (both textually and subtextually).

It’s about a private eye on the moon.

That’s like the perfect thing.

It’s perhaps too cute for its own good: We get pages and pages of stuff told from the private eye’s dog’s viewpoint. Granted, the dog has been artificially augmented and is pretty smart (for a dog), but it’s perhaps a bit much.

Or perhaps not: The problem isn’t the cuteness of it all, but that we basically go over most things that happen twice: Once from a human perspective, and then from the dog’s perspective. It’s fun, but it means that a lot of space is taken up with things that do not progress the plot.

And, oy vey, the plot is just wincingly moronic. At about page 200 I was starting to wonder whether the book was ever going to start for real (not a good sign in a 290 page book), and then it turned out that everything we’d been reading so far didn’t really have anything much to do with anything. I’d like to think this was all planned by the author as a sort of comment on something, but realistically it was just the author writing cute stuff about dogs and private eyes and having fun and then suddenly thinking “OOPS! I have to make a plot happen… er… I’ll just say that everything was just nonsense but had to happen that way because reasons” and then racing to the finish line.

So it’s not really put together well, but it’s a delight to read. I was smiling most of the time while reading it. Well, most of the time; it’s a sloppy book and there’s repetitions and logical mistakes and some of the humour gets a bit grating. But mostly: Fun.

The salt (and dried) cod has now been somewhat desalinated, so I can get ready to make the gratin. Man, am I hungry! Waiting two days for food.

The ingredients are not very complicated. It’s basically milkish stuff, potato, egg yolks and thyme. And Stargate: SG1 and beer, but that’s for the cook.

Mmm… that thyme smells so lovely. I bought some new special scissors for snipping herbs, and it works really well. A lot less work than chopping herbs with a knife.

So basically both the egg/herb pot and the pot with the cod are brought up to the boiling point, and then allowed to sit for fifteen minutes.

Then the potatoes are added to the milky stuff, and then simmers for twenty minutes.

After cooling off a bit, the egg yolks (whisked together with the creme fraîche) are added.

Meanwhile the cod is ripped to shreds. It’s sort of semi-cooked at this point, and man, it smells absolutely divoon. It might just be my unspeakable hunger er speaking, though.

So a gratin dish is buttered up…

And then one layer of eggy/milky/potato stuff, one layer of fish, and topped up with a layer of (you guessed it) the eggy/milky/potato stuff.

And look: There’s no cheese in here! Yay!

Then into the oven for forty-five minutes.

Oops! I forgot to get some salad to go with it… I’ll just fake it with some tomatoes.

There.

Ooo! It’s delicious! I don’t think I’ve had a gratin made with salt and dried cod before — only with fresh cod. This is something quite different! The cod is nice and tender and tasty, but with more structure. The thyme/milk sauce is subtle, but unexpectedly complex when combined with the potatoes and the fish.

It’s a perfect way to consume these ingredients. If you like salt and dried cod, this really makes it shine.

I think this is the most successful dish (both in conception and my not-very-expert execution) so far. I ate until I literally died.

This blog post is part of the Bistro
Cooking & Books
series.

October Music

Music I’ve bought in October.

I’ve been buying a lot of stuff this month, eh? It’s mostly along two lines in inquiry: Is everything Ze Records published in the late 70s/early 80s fun? The answer is yes, but not everything is good.

But some is!

The other is: There has to be more good music I haven’t heard from the 60s, so I got everything in the top 20 here that I didn’t have before.

Most surprising thing: The Stooges are kinda nice. Least surprising: Bob Dylan is kinda eh.

Most random thing of the month:

Formula by Old. That’s an awesome album.

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jukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Afrodeutsche&album=Break+Before+Makejukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=The+Contortions&album=Buyjukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Fly+Pan+Am&album=C'est+%C3%A7ajukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Portishead&album=Chase+the+Tearjukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Peter+Zummo&album=Deep+Drive
jukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Cristina&album=Disco+Clonejukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Stereolab&album=Dots+And+Loops+(1)jukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Stereolab&album=Dots+And+Loops+(2)jukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Suicide&album=Dream+Baby+Dreamjukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Telefon+Tel+Aviv&album=Dreams+Are+Not+Enough
jukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Nettle&album=El+Resplandor%3A+The+Shining+in+Dubaijukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Stereolab&album=Emperor+Tomato+Ketchup+(1)jukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Stereolab&album=Emperor+Tomato+Ketchup+(2)jukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=The+Declining+Winter&album=Endless+Sceneryjukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Boris&album=Evol
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jukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Portishead&album=Glory+Times+(2)jukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=DJ+Haram&album=Gracejukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Bob+Dylan&album=Highway+61+Revisitedjukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Aretha+Franklin&album=I+Never+Loved+a+Man+the+Way+I+Love+Youjukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Kid+Creole+%26+The+Coconuts&album=I'm+A+Wonderful+Thing+(baby)
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jukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=The+Rolling+Stones&album=Let+It+Bleedjukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=James+Brown&album=Live+at+the+Apollo+Expanded+Editionjukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Tuxedomoon&album=Live+in+London+(1982)jukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Boris&album=Lovejukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Sweeney&album=Middle+Ages
jukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=In+Slaughter+Natives+%26+Deutsch+Nepal&album=Mort+Aux+Vachesjukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Don+Joyce&album=Mort+Aux+Vachesjukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Contrastate&album=Mort+Aux+Vachesjukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=Jorge+Reyes&album=Mort+aux+Vachesjukebox.php?image=micro.png&group=James+White+and+the+Blacks&album=Off+White
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