ACW1978: Halloween

Halloween. 1978.

As with most of these films, I’ve only seen them on VHS before. Man, the blu-ray transfers look fine. (And all of John Carpenter’s films seem to be available on blu-ray, which is pretty impressive (commercially) for a director.) The movie may have had a small budget, but Carpenter didn’t skimp on the film stock quality.

Aaaanyway. This is the film that started the slasher movie genre, I guess? All the tropes are here in the ur-text: If you have sex, you die; the unkillable semi-supernatural monster; the girl who survives. And the boobs, of course.

But what surprised me most here was how little I was affected. I scare easily, but long stretches of this I was just sitting here wondering why it’s not more scary. Part of the problem may be the sometimes totally cliched cinematography: The camera slides across the room and stops with the phone in the right-hand corner, and the phone then rings. It’s just kinda boring and “professional”.

This post is part of the A Carpenter Winter series.

ACW1976: Assault on Precinct 13

Assault on Precinct 13. 1976.

John Carpenter’s music is a definite draw. It’s kinda raw and has a vitality to it.

Anyway, I thought I had seen this before, but I think I must have been confusing this film with The Warriors or Fort Apache, The Bronx or something.

Some of the scenes are very stylish, some look like they come straight from 70s TV dramas, and some are just way way out there. It’s a strange mix, but it works.

For such a low-budget film, it has a lot of production value. And despite (or because?) the risible premise, it’s really exciting, with plenty of OH YEA DUDE moments. For better or worse.

It runs out of steam around the one hour mark, though.

This post is part of the A Carpenter Winter series.

Let It Snow

I wanted to make the Carpenter series of posts look ridiculously romantic, so I got the swashiest font I could find.  But it’s not enough: I wanted to make it snow, too.

Now, this blog is on WordPress.com, which adds limitations to what is easy or even possible to do.  I wanted a CSS-only snowing solution that didn’t involve adding any new HTML elements, and that turns out not to be the common thing to do?  There are approximately five hundred thousand blog articles out there about making web pages snow, but they are either snowing in the background, or is a mess of <div> <div> <div>s to make it snow in front of an image.

Looking at this pretty snowing effect, I wanted to do the same, but by just adding a class: snow to the <a> element already surrounding the <img>s in this blog.

Presto:

This, as anybody who’s done CSS knows, took way too long and went down many blind alleys before I got it to work properly.  (So it’s a good thing I did it while I was on holiday.)  Here’s the CSS I ended up with:

.snow {
  display: inline-block;
  position: relative;
}
.snow::after {
  content: '';
  position: absolute;
  display: block;
  top: 0; left: 0;
  width: 100%;
  height: 100%;
  background-image: url('https://lars.ingebrigtsen.no/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/pl2.png'), url('https://lars.ingebrigtsen.no/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/pm2.png'), url('https://lars.ingebrigtsen.no/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/pm2.png'), url('https://lars.ingebrigtsen.no/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/ps2.png'), url('https://lars.ingebrigtsen.no/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/ps2.png');
  animation: snow-fall 5s linear infinite;
}
@keyframes snow-fall {
  0% { background-position: 0 0, 0 0, 30px 40px, 0 0, 10px 0;}
  33% { background-position: 0 137px, 0 70px, 45px 100px, 0 30px, 20px 30px; }
  66% { background-position: 0 274px, 0 140px, 35px 200px, 0 60px, 20px 60px; }
  100% { background-position: 0 413px, 0 200px, 30px 240px, 0 100px, 10px 100px; }
}

So: What’s going on here is that I’m adding an :after element to the <a> element, and that element has en empty content, but several background images.  (Five of them, to be precise.)  These images are mostly transparent, but has snowflakes of various sizes and blurrinesses.  In the original version, all these “layers” are of the same size but animated in different speeds so that the closest layer is fastest.  That’s not possible with the :after thing, because there can only be one :after, and therefore only one animation speed.

So instead I chopped the different layer images into different sizes, and then I can animate one from 0px to 100px while I animate a closer, faster layer from 0px to 200px, and so on.  The important thing is that the animations have to be the same sizes as the images, because otherwise you’ll get a shuddering effect when the animations restart.

And then you can do any number of things, like adding some slight wobble and windiness to the scene.

The more layers you add, the more CPU intensive the result will be.  Depending on whether the user’s browser uses hardware acceleration for the CSS animation, of course.  But think of it this way: It makes the computer nice and toasty warm: Perfect for winter.

(One complication to getting this to work on this blog is that I had called the animation “snow”, so the CSS read “animation: snow 5s linear infinite”.  WordPress.com helpfully auto-translated this to “animation: #fffafa 5s linear infinite”.  Presumably because “snow” is a colour name.  And that doesn’t work.  Thank you, WordPress.com.)

So when I grow up, my job is definitely going to be for restaurants that specialise in weddings in December.  I’ve already got the CSS and the font!

ACW1974: Dark Star

Dark Star. 1974.

Hey! It’s movie time again!

I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this before, but it’s a long long time ago. The context now is very different, because it seems like every other line in the film is familiar from samples in music. I think Meat Beat Manifesto has most of the dialogue on their early-90s albums?

Dark Star is very 70s: Made by hippie nerds for hippie nerds. Which is great! But.

As a sci-fi comedy, it’s more “that sure is wry, man” than “ha ha”. Smoking would probably help, though.

It’s visually very inventive, and probably largely the result of having no money. Plot-wise, it’s probably what some draft dodgers came up with after watching 2001: A Space Odyssey a few too many times.

Yeah, yeah, it’s a cult film. And there are entertaining scenes here. But it’s mainly boring.

This post is part of the A Carpenter Winter series.

A Carpenter Winter

I had planned on re-watching all of Ingmar Bergman’s films starting about right now (we all need cheering up when winter arrives, right?), but the Bergman box set has had its release pushed back two week, so I’m here without any Bergman movies to watch.

So I got all of John Carpenter’s films instead, because that seemed like the most obvious substitution to me.

Join me for a trip back to the fun but scary 70s and 80s!

I’m not really a Carpenter fan: Out of his entire oevre, I think there’s perhaps two films of his that I can remember being impressed with at the time (beyond the “oh, cool” factor): The Thing and They Live.  But perhaps I’m less of a snotty snob now than I was as a teenager, and Carpenter is awesome now?

To accompany these films, I’ll be drinking beer I bought on my recent holiday to Germany and The Netherlands.